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MARY SCHMICH For release 12/30/13

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2013 with rhyme but not much reason

By Mary Schmich

Tribune Content Agency

Let's bid a farewell

To old twenty thirteen

A year unlike any

The world's ever seen.

A year full of argument,

Tears and surprise:

A government shutdown

"Sharknado" and spies.

A killer typhoon

And the Syrian strife

A bombing in Boston --

The heartbreak of life.

A year full of selfies

(And please don't say "What?")

A year Miley Cyrus

Made proper folk tut.

Her dance it was shocking

That twerking! That tongue!

(But maybe that's just

What folks do when they're young.)

We loved "Walking Dead"

And we mourned "Breaking Bad"

We binge-watched on Netflix

And, man, were we mad!

Yes, mad at Obama

And mad at Ted Cruz

Yes, mad at the Congress'

Do-nothing news.

Yes, mad about health care

That site's a disaster!

Why, even a tortoise

Could move a lot faster.

Yes, mad at fat-shaming

And sheer yoga pants

Yes, mad at Vlad Putin

And liars like Lance.

And mad at Ms. Deen

And that creep Carlos Danger

(Poor Anthony Weiner

He keeps getting stranger.)

Yes, mad at "Duck Dynasty"--

Phil's such a jerk!

But gosh we were happy

To learn the word "twerk."

And while we were busy

With ranting and twerking

We learned from Ed Snowden

The NSA's lurking.

It lurks and it peeps

And it snoops on our phones

But here's some good news:

We'll get books via drones!

The Catholics elected

A free-thinking pope

A self-professed sinner

Who gave the world hope.

The rich they got richer

The poor folk did not.

The chasm between

Is our shame and our rot.

The pope said so often

And not just in Rome

The prez said the very

Same thing here at home.

And women were told

That we need to "lean in"

Don't sit back while power

Is taken by men.

Meanwhile, in Chicago ...

We biked on our Divvys

Past speed camera lights

Gay marriage got legal --

A leap for gay rights.

The Ventra card came

Single rides for big bucks

The people complained,

"This new Ventra card sucks!"

And some people cried,

"Let's get rid of Rahm pronto!"

To which I'll just say:

You could move to Toronto.

Our city's not perfect

There's much that we lack

But give this to Rahm: He Is not smoking crack.

Though some people wailed,

"Illinois is a joke!"

Good news for the sick:

They'll soon legally toke.

(resumes non-Chicago references)

Ebert, Mandela

and Trotter all left

The loss of their light

Left us feeling bereft.

And now here we are

On the brink of next year

Let's toast to the past

And move on without fear.

The world is a mix of

The good and the bad

So maybe this year

We'll stop being so mad.

Let's look on the bright side

And have some new fun

And bet on the question:

Will Hillary run?

(Mary Schmich is a Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist for the Chicago Tribune. Contact her at You can follow her on or contact her on